Police Line of Work

Police shit.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Police Quotes:

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

Civilian Friends and Police Friends

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
POLICE FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you in jail saying, 'Darn...we screwed up...but man, that was fun!'

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that 's what the crowd is doing.
POLICE FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you behind.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
POLICE FRIENDS: Will knock them out for using your name in vain.